My Blayze

This was actually written September 10th 2010. After Blayze decided for unknown reasons after a complicated situation to not come home. We miss him very much.

So I can’t sleep.... big surprise but this is later than normal, 1:15 am. I keep thinking of Blayze and all the craziness we are going through. The choices the backstabbing, deflecting of the issues all lead me to feel that Blayze has abandoned his family. In all of this we have talked about how different Blayze is between his moms home and our home and I have wondered if we haven’t created a monster with that thinking. I feel like Blayze is the same boy in both homes he just has different influences and he has 2 different types of discipline. Each home seems to accentuate a different part of Blayze. That happens to me, different situations cause different reactions for me. However I am up writing because I can’t help but remember who my Blayze is. The boy that is, no matter where he is. I have been trying to teach him (before he disappeared for over 5 weeks) that it is our job as parents to speak into his life and tell him who he is. At 10 years old he doesn’t have to go searching. I have been so flooded by emotion lately  that I haven’t even been able to focus on who Blayze is.

My Blayze is assertive! At 4 he waved down a waitress and told her to bring him a fork. At 5 a family friend took him to Sonic and when he felt that Sonic was taking too long, he opened the car door and went on into Sonic to tell them about it.

My Blayze likes movies, hikes, swings at the park. He gets delirious when he’s tired and very very silly. My Blayze loves movie theater popcorn and I would venture to say that is his favorite food these days. Blayze will laugh when he needs to even if its forced. He likes audio books, and he is an excellent reader too. I still have the first fortune cookie paper he ever read. I remember when he read the Sonic cup the first time too. So impressive!

My Blayze likes to sit close, and give hugs. He is gentle and loving. After his baby sister Chrysanna was born he carried her through the house and introduced her to each room. Then he laid her next to himself on the couch in his room and they took a nap together.  

My Blayze is caring even at the age of 4 his little heart was burdened by the situations of his daycare friends. He wondered why bad things had to happen to them. When Blayze recognizes the sin in his life and the pain it has caused whom he may have offended he is broken and will often cry in repentance.

My Blayze secretly likes orange. Whenever I have expected to get him a blue or black something he picks orange. He loves color, every color, all the colors at once.  Drawing is a passion for him. He is artistic and imaginative. My Blayze.

My Blayze likes movies, hikes, swings at the park. He gets delirious when he’s tired and very very silly. My Blayze loves movie theater popcorn and I would venture to say that is his favorite food these days. Blayze will laugh when he needs to even if its forced. Blayze has a way of entertaining the people around himself and his sarcasm will keep them laughing all day long. He is funny.

My Blayze loves anything that could be called family time. We have always gotten compliments on how well we work together. People never even know that we are not Mom and son. My Blayze doesn’t always like the rules but he is respectful. He has a way of remembering discipline months later. Just ask him if he is allowed to shop for us by putting things in the cart on his own :).

My Blayze is sensitive and often his feelings could even be hurt in wrestling match if he got physically hurt. He wants to be loved by everyone and he wants them to be pleased with himself. Blayze has given his snacks and his money to people who are in need. He is handsome and strong. He is hard working and adventursome. Hense the time he was walking on the little pond and found a frog under the ice. To get to the frog he stabbed a hole in the ice. Needless to say Blayze went right through the ice. He was off in the woods and all I could hear was crying. Woohoo! whoohooo! I was saying over and over till I finally found him. I shed the my coat and made him put it on. After we talked and he decided that he knew he shouldn't be on ice and that he wouldn't do it again his mood changed..... he thought that was the coolest experience he had ever had in his whole life!!! Thats my Blayze turning rough spots into adventures. 

My Blayze reminded his dad to pray when another tire was flat. He doesn't like change until after he's in it. He still misses the old way tho. He doesn't like the suspense of surprises or new things that he doesn't understand. But he sucks it up and tuffs it out and in the end its never as bad as he thought it would be. :)  My Blayze wrestled with his cousin Noah and no one ever got hurt but every one had fun. Blayze is intelligent. He has great balance!!! At four he was riding a scooter. Blayze is a thinker over and over again in his brain. Blayze has a desire to protect, and defend. He wants to teach others about Jesus. Blayze comprehends! Blayze Blayze Blayze!!! What a smile, what child, what a blessing he is.

There is more but its later than it was before I started 2:24am and I am very tired. This is my Blayze! This is who you are Blayze. This is only the beginning of what you will become. God is going to use you to change this world for His Glory!